Zora Grizz

Exoplanet 981502.46 was seemingly cleared as a “tourist destination” before level 4 clearance was authorized by Earth-Next’s The Agency. Investigations into this data breach are ongoing (see linked report conducted in The Data Analyst Bunkers).

 

Out-bound spaceship, pink in color, observed departing defunct South Pole substation Q2 at 12:01 AM local time. Commodore Pink did not respond to Agency transmissions warning of contract breach imminence. 

 

Those aboard Commodore Pink’s midnight-departure spaceship included Earth-Next’s last surviving artisan baker, an emergency deploy unit of astrophysicists and theorists (usually reserved solely for battle - their escape from The Science Cages is being investigated in linked report 2.1), Commode Pink’s full crew of last known acquaintances/miscreants, 2 West Highland Green Terriers, and the outlaw muralist*, Magenta Wales (*note: redact unlawful title before report dissemination).

 

Related intelligence: Commodore Pink’s scientific research in the years before their space navigation career centered on concepts of accelerated travel through time and space via the super positioning of time-like curves. Her research was halted by the agency in year 4891, standard calendar calculation, due to its predetermined escape velocity.

 

Sporadic tracking maintained until a distance of 8.9 lightyears, at which point a static burst entered Earth-Next’s radio atmosphere. The noise sounded like a small crowd singing the lyrics of an ancient early-Earth ballad - tentatively identified by Archival Librarian Deployment Squad F as Avril Lavigne’s, “Complicated” - though sound samples have yet to be fully authenticated by Agency supervisors.

 

The light signature of the audio upon atmospheric entry, it was noted, was distinctly pink-hued. 

 

23 minutes after departure, at 12:24 AM local time, Orbiturian Space Telescope (located in the remains of mountain range 1267.90321) issued an Alert of Unauthorized Findings. Upon examination by authorized agency representatives, it was determined the alert was due to Exoplanet 981502.46 suddenly showing a drastic flux in physical appearance.

 

Upon closer examination, it was discovered that the words, “EAT ME, KAREN. I’M TAKING THE DOGS” appeared in neon-pink lettering across the planet’s surface. Although analysis is still ongoing, data seems to indicate the words are baked in artistically-dyed bread and serve as sustenance for what appears to be a thriving civilization of many generations.

 

Katie The All Ruler of Earth-Next (KAREN), has currently declined to issue a statement on Commodore Pink’s latest interdicted activities, per The Agency’s advisement. It is known that KAREN and Commodore Pink are former long-term domestic partners, whose volatile relationship was featured in many Agency-approved publications and media outlets, galaxy-wide.

 

KAREN’s LEXUS pursuit plans are in place.